How to Negotiate Effectively & Retain Relationships [East vs West]

Negotiation is different from Bargaining.

When bargaining, each party tries to get the best deal for themselves. One side wins and the other loses.

When negotiating, both parties need to win to ensure long-term success and healthy relationships.

In personal and business matters, relationships are crucial for success.

Unless we are at a tourist destination which we are not bound to visit again, we should aim to negotiate and retain mutually beneficial relationships – not bargain.

Beyond Wins: Eastern Mindset for Success in Daily Business Negotiations by Mala Subramanium is a book about how ‘Eastern’ (Indian) concepts might help you with negotiating in business, and in life.

In the first part of the book, she explores the differences between the two cultures, and why cultural differences are the reason for misinterpreting actions by Indians, by westerners.

For example, if Indians who newly moved to the US are quiet in a meeting, their western bosses might think they don’t have opinions or anything to contribute. However, this is to be seen in the light of meetings that happen in India where subordinates are indirectly coerced not to speak up, esp. against the opinion of people in higher authority.

Another example is when Indians make a point indirectly and assume that westerners understand the implications. For example, Indians might say ‘I have to attend a wedding’ and assume that their western counterparts might understand that they will be on leave. But westerners prefer direct communication.

One more example is Indians’ inability to say ‘No’ as it is rude in India to say No to higher ups or clients. So, when the promised (extra) work is not done, westerners think of it as dishonesty.

The author says that there is a fundamental difference between the two cultures. In the west, it is a systems-driven culture; and in the east, it is a people-driven culture.

In the second part of this book, the author explores effective ways to negotiate successfully and retain relationships. Although she labels it Eastern, I feel, the concepts mentioned in this section are/have been Universal.

Problem (When you know there is a problem – don’t start negotiating yet) —–> Data Collect all data to understand all available options —–> Insights (When you know the point of view of both sides clearly, start negotiating)

For example, if a father is upset about his teenage son returning late from parties, a father’s instinct is to enforce strict rules on the son and threaten him with penalties. But, if the father speaks to the son and understands why he unable to come early, he will gain valuable insights that might enable both to conclusions acceptable to both.

The author gives valuable points and case studies on why, while negotiating,

• It’s important to focus on satiating the clients’ needs and NOT their desires
• It’s important to fix the problem and not the blame
• It’s important to take ownership and look inward for the solution
• It’s important to be positive and creative while negotiating
• It’s important not to challenge/refute clients’ or higherups’
• It’s important to reiterate positive outcomes due to them in the past
• It’s important identify the type of person [Planner, Mover & Shaker, Doer, Talker] and allocate the right task to the right person
• It’s important to understand why each person interprets the same situation differently depending on their world view
• It’s important to be calm and refocus the discussion when the customer mentions the competition
• It’s important to use silence in crucial situations

The second part of the book is good. It’s a useful guide to negotiate with people – not just in business, and not just for westerners.

Links for ‘Beyond Wins: Eastern Mindset for Success in Daily Business Negotiations‘ (Amazon Kindle US; Amazon Kindle India)

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